


Things We Lost in the Fire

by onequartercanadian



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Guilt, Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Conditions, Paralysis, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Trauma, Whump, car crash, injury aftermath, medical whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26071903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onequartercanadian/pseuds/onequartercanadian
Summary: One night after work; Dinesh, Gilfoyle, and Richard get into a harrowing car accident when an SUV running a red light t-bones them. Gilfoyle is severally injured and as the designated driver, Richard blames himself for the accident, even though it was not his fault.They all have trouble adjusting and recovering from the accident.No character death, vivid images of injury in chapter 1.
Relationships: Bertram Gilfoyle/Monica Hall, Dinesh Chugtai & Bertram Gilfoyle, Dinesh Chugtai/Bertram Gilfoyle, Dinesh Chugtai/Bertram Gilfoyle/Monica Hall, Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. The Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Title by: Things We Lost in the Fire; Bastille
> 
> Okay, so I actually started writing this back in 2018 but thought it was so horrifically bad that it could not see the light of day. 
> 
> Now 2 years later, I randomly found it on my Google Drive and decided to give it a read. I still thought it was shit but it had potential. So I made some edits and wrote some more and now I kinda like it. I have a lot of ideas for it now. Also, I haven't done much with medical whump so that's exciting. 
> 
> [Here's a fic playlist!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6IftztRXkLMqcowoiisjAE?si=ZFyJZszmRi-wt-1CSKEwKw%5D)  
> Thanks to theglassedhalf for the beta!!!!  
> Let me know what you think in the comments!

“Hey, I’m going to head home. Anyone need a ride?” Dinesh turned off his monitors and grabbed his computer bag. It was past dusk and mostly everyone had gone home for the day. Only Jared, Richard, and Gilfoyle were in the office with him.

Richard walked out of his office, “Yeah, that sounds pretty good. I should probably leave anyway.”

Gilfoyle nodded, “Since you’re offering. Fine.”

“Jared?” Dinesh asked as he finished getting his stuff together.

Jared was cleaning up the kitchenette, “I’m going to finish over here. You guys can go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He smiled

The guys got their stuff and left the office. They decided to grab a couple of after-work drinks at Dinesh’s suggestion. Richard wasn’t in the mood so he declared himself as the designated driver. They drove to a small bar near the office and had a couple of beers while Richard had iced tea. 

As they left the bar Dinesh gave the Tesla keys to Richard to drive back to the hostel. Gilfoyle sat in the passenger seat and Dinesh sat in the back behind Richard. 

As Richard put on his seatbelt he noticed that Gilfoyle didn’t put on his. That was normal for Gilfoyle, but it still annoyed everyone to no end. “Seriously?” He muttered

“What?”

“Why can’t you just wear the damn seatbelt? It’s against the law.”

“Because he’s an idiot.” Dinesh commented from the back as he clicked on his seatbelt, “And he knows that it drives everyone in the car crazy.”

“You can still get killed wearing a seatbelt. Also, we’re like 10 minutes away.”

Dinesh groaned from the back, “He isn’t going to budge. Let’s just go. I’m tired.”

Richard closed his eyes and sighed. He thought for a couple of moments, wondering if he should continue to press the issue as the designated driver.

He was exhausted and wasn’t in the mood to fight a losing battle with Gilfoyle. He wanted to go home, maybe play some Halo, and go to bed.

So he didn’t press the issue. Instead, he started driving. 

As they drove back they argued about what music to play. They were a few miles from the hostel, navigating some large and dark backroads. They came to an empty one lane four-way intersection. Even though it was empty, Richard waited for the light to turn green. He heard stories of cars getting hit at this particular intersection when they thought no one was coming. 

He gently accelerated when the light turned green. As they passed the intersection they were blinded by the bright headlights of a large SUV barreling towards them. Richard’s eyes widened in shock as he tried to get away from the vehicle charging towards them but there wasn’t enough time.

The SUV t-boned them. Hitting between the driver and back passenger doors sending them sliding across the street, breaking the metal guardrail, and sending them rolling several yards from the road.

* * *

Richard slowly came to consciousness. He looked around and he couldn’t see anything, his vision was too blurry. He tried to take deep breaths, fighting the intense urge to pass out again. He noticed his head, collarbone, ribs, and neck were in terrible pain. He felt something wet on his face. It took a couple of seconds but he soon realized it was blood. He tried to move his arms but attempting to move his left arm left him in agonizing pain. He opened his eyes again and was able to see more. The first thing he saw was the airbags that deployed around him and the windshield that was completely cracked and most of it was gone. Most importantly, the car was now on its side, passenger side down.

He looked at the passenger seat and saw that Gilfoyle wasn’t there and there was no more windshield on that side. 

“Oh god! Gilfoyle! Gilfoyle!” His hoarse voice called out. He started to panic, his heart was beating out of his chest which caused even more pain in his ribs, he could not get his breathing under control and felt like he was going to vomit. He took a few breaths and turned around to check on Dinesh. “Dinesh! Dinesh! You okay?!” Turning around caused him intense pain causing him to yell and groan in agony. 

He saw Dinesh was still unconscious. His head was lulled to the side. There was blood running down his face, presumably from a head wound he couldn’t see. His voice cracked, “Dinesh? Dinesh? You...you...alive?”

He turned back and tried to at least be right side up to call for help. He managed to slowly crawl out of the car. Now on top of the car. He used his right hand to pry his phone from his pocket to call 911. The phone was completely cracked. He prayed it still worked. Just enough for one call. He tried to turn it on and by some miracle, it turned on. He didn’t know how long it would last, he hastily called 911.

“911, what’s your emergency?” The calm woman answered

“My-my-my-friends and I-were in an accident. My friend I-I-I think he went out the-the window. My other friend-he’s-he’s-not-not conscious. W-w-we-we-we rolled.”

“Are you upside down?”

“N-n-no-no on t-t-the side.”

The woman kept her calm tone, “Your one friend is in the car?”

Richard nodded in a complete panic, “Yeah-yeah. In-in-in the-the backseat.”

“Can you get back there and check his pulse?”

“I’ll-I’ll see.” He tried to lift himself, which was a challenge due to his almost nonexistent upper body strength and his left arm which he finally got a good look at. It looked disfigured, completely swollen with shades of black, blue, and purple. He yelped and nearly vomited when he saw it. He knew it was broken. As he cradled his broken arm, he turned his attention back to Dinesh and tried to get himself in the backseat. With some maneuvering, he clumsy made it so he could see Dinesh. He grabbed the phone from where it was sitting on the car door.

“I’m-I’m in the back.” He managed through haggard breaths. 

“Okay, place your index and middle fingers on his neck to the side of his windpipe.”

Richard reached into where the window used to be and followed her instructions, “Okay. I-I feel something.”

“Good. Is it weak?”

“Umm.” He felt it again, “Moderate?”

“Okay. That’s good. Where are you?”

“Umm.” He tried to look at the street signs in the dark, “Um, that intersection between um, Whitford and Plum.”

“Aright. An ambulance is on the way.”

Richard hung up and put the cracked phone on the car door. It felt like time was both moving in slow motion but also going in hyperspeed. It felt like it was seconds but also hours since they were t-boned. He looked down and noticed that Dinesh’s legs were pinned between the seat and the crashed door. He didn’t notice it before. He was just making sure that Dinesh was still alive.

He started hyperventilating, “Oh-oh-oh-oh god! Oh god!” He tried to get the doors open but quickly realized that wasn’t an option. They were both smashed in. He crawled off the top side of the car and fell to his knees dry heaving and eventually vomiting up his dinner. He saw who he assumed to be the other driver. 

“You okay? The ambulance is on the way.” The tall lanky man called to him from next to his car. Richard noticed he looked young, maybe early twenties. He seemed to just have a few scratches. 

“My friends, my friends. My friends.” He kept muttering. He pointed towards the empty passenger side and then towards Dinesh. 

“Was your friend ejected from the front seat?!” His brown eyes widened. Richard nodded. “What’s his name?”

“Gilfoyle.”

The man ran off calling his name. Richard soon managed to get to his unsteady feet and started to follow the man. 

“He’s over here!” The man called from about 30 feet away. Richard hobbled over as fast as he could. 

“Gilfoyle! Gilfoyle! You okay?!” Richard’s face turned to a deer in headlights when he saw his unconscious friend splayed out on the road, limbs, and blood everywhere. His long brown hair was matted with blood from a wound on his head. His glasses were thrown off his face by the force of the hit. Richard immediately knelt and vomited what was left of his stomach contents.

“He’s still unconscious. He has a pulse, it’s faint but it’s there. The ambulance should be here soon.” 

They heard panicked screams from the car which grabbed their attention. Richard stumbled over as fast as he could, cradling his broken arm. “Dinesh! Dinesh!” 

“Richard! Richard!” 

He finally made it back to the car and painfully climbed on top with some help from the other driver. 

‘I’m here! I’m-I’m here! You-you okay?” Richard cradled his broken arm. 

Dinesh shakily pointed to his legs, “My-my-my legs! I can’t move my legs! On the fucking side now!!” Dinesh’s face was pale, he was uncontrollable shaking, and hyperventilating. Richard was surprised Dinesh was as coherent as he was.

“You’re pinned between the car and the seats. The ambulance should be here shortly. They’ll-they’ll help you.”

“It hurts! It really fucking hurts!”

“What-what hurts?”

“Everything!”

“You’ll be okay. You’ll-you’ll be okay.” He tried to console Dinesh but didn’t know how well he was doing. He didn’t know what else to do, “Keep breathing. Deep breaths.” He figured that would help.

It didn’t. His ribs were just as busted up as Richard’s so deep breathing was very painful. 

“Where-where’s Gilfoyle?” Dinesh saw the blank look on Richard’s face. “Aw fuck, is he okay?”

Richard’s eyes wandered around the wrecked car before looking back at Dinesh, “He flew out the windshield, but he’s still alive.”

Dinesh nearly lost his breath again, “Fucking hell. Where is he?”

Richard scrunched his face, “About 30 feet away.”

“Fucking fucking fuck fuck fuck!”

They heard the distant sounds of multiple ambulance sirens. 

“We’re going to be okay. The ambulance is here. They’re going to get you out.” He tried to reassure Dinesh, “You’re going to be fine! Gilfoyle’s going to be fine! We’re all going to be fine!” He didn’t know who he was trying to convince. Dinesh or himself.

The EMTs and firefighters swarmed the vehicle. “Help him! He’s pinned!” Richard called out, “Our other friend is over there! Help him!”

The EMTs split and a few ran over towards where Gilfoyle and the other driver were. The EMTs with Richard and Dinesh used Hydraulic rescue tools or the Jaws of Life to pry off the roof and door of the car to unpin Dinesh’s legs. The impossibly loud grinding and sounds of machinery made their pounding headaches even worse. As they were pulling Dinesh out to put him on a stretcher they saw another stretcher was rushed by. They noticed the urgency of the EMTs, a neck brace, and multiple iv’s already hooked up and being manually squeezed by an EMT.

“That’s Gilfoyle? He-he going to be o-okay?” Dinesh tried not to shake as he spoke.

An EMT helping Dinesh gently answered, “They probably had to do some triage to stabilize him, but they’re taking him to the hospital now. We’re going to take good care of him.”

They got Dinesh onto a stretcher and stabilized his neck in a brace. Richard sat in the ambulance right beside him, too terrified to leave his panicked friend as they were rushed to the hospital.

Richard prayed everyone would make it there alive.

* * *

Jared was finishing up some work and getting his stuff together. He was going to leave for the evening when two California State Troopers entered the office.

He noticed them enter and stood up in curiosity, “Hello. What can I do for you?”

“Are you Jared Dunn?”

He gulped, “Yes. Why?”

“Emergency contact of Richard Hendricks and colleagues Bertram Gilfoyle and Dinesh Chugtai. Correct?”

“You are correct.” Jared’s stomach was in knots. He had no idea what was going on. “What’s wrong?”

“Richard and his friends were involved in an accident tonight. You need to come with us. Now.”

Jared’s stomach dropped. _‘No. No. Not Richard.’_ He didn’t miss a beat, “Is he-is everyone okay?”

The State Trooper repeated, “You need to come with us.” 


	2. How Are They???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Monica rush to the hospital and get an update on their friends' injuries. They find out what caused the crash and what happened immediately after.

Jared rushed into the emergency room. He asked the first nurse he saw, “Where is he? Where are they?” She didn’t know what he was talking about, “My friends. They were in an accident.” She pointed him towards the nurses' station. While on his way to the hospital he called Monica who arrived shortly after him. 

She saw Jared at the nurses' station trying to get information and ran up to him. 

“Please! Can you tell me _anything!_ ” Jared begged the nurse

“I’m sorry. Like I told you, they’re running some tests. A doctor will be with you soon.” Jared sighed and turned around to see Monica.

“So you don’t know anything.”

He leaned against the desk and sighed, “No. They’re running tests. Whatever that means.”

“Well do they know who was driving? How they were hit?”

Jared snapped at her, “I already told you! I don’t know anything!”

Monica stepped back and raised her eyebrows at the surprising outburst. Jared realized it as well, “I’m sorry. I’m on edge.” He took a deep breath. She rubbed his shoulder in consolation and guided him over to the waiting area across the room. 

It was a while before Jared spoke up, “I was supposed to be in that car.”

She looked at him confused, “What?”

“They asked if I wanted a ride home... I refused. I said I wanted to finish what I was doing. I was supposed to be in that crash as well.”

Monica, at a complete loss for words, just rubbed his shoulder and leaned against him as they waited for an update.

They waited. 

It was all they could do.

Minutes felt like hours.

Hours felt like years.

* * *

After putting his broken arm in a cast, bandaging some wounds, taking blood, and doing an x-ray in the ER, Richard was taken for a CT scan then an MRI to check for other injuries and internal bleeding. “How are my friends? When can I see them?” He kept asking the doctors. They kept telling him that he would see his friends soon, but they were getting treated as well. He couldn’t get over this overwhelming feeling of pure terror and panic. 

Richard nearly passed out when they had to take blood and when they injected contrast material for the CT scan. He didn’t like needles. 

The tight and closed space of the MRI along with the pounding noise made him so claustrophobic he almost had a panic attack. He tried the doctors’ suggestions to take deep breaths and close his eyes but the deep breathing hurt his ribs and chest and whenever he closed his eyes he just saw the bright headlights of the SUV crashing into them. Dinesh pinned in the back of the car, unconscious and bloody. Gilfoyle laying in the middle of the road beat up and bloody. He was flooded with relief when the test was finally over. 

Jared and Monica were still sitting in the ER waiting room but were relieved and surprised to see Richard come through the ER doors and find them. They jumped up when they saw him and Jared ran over to hug him. Richard leaned away and groaned. “I’m sorry. I’m just really sore.”

“How are you?” Jared noticed his left arm in a cast with a blue sling. His hoodie and button-down were more disheveled than usual and had some bloodstains on them. 

“The doctors said it could have been worse. I have a slight concussion, broken arm, “ He gestured towards his arm in the sling, “Some broken ribs and broken collarbone. Then just general soreness and bruises.”

“But you’re okay?” Jared had to confirm. He had trouble not just grabbing him into a tight embrace. He was so relieved that his boyfriend was alive and seemingly okay.

“The doctors said I just need to rest. I didn’t want to be admitted anyway. Have you heard about Dinesh or Gilfoyle?”

“You haven’t heard about them?” Monica grew even more anxious.

“No, have you?”

“No. They haven’t told us anything.”

“Can you tell us what happened?” Jared asked.

Richard nodded, “Sure.”

Jared guided them back over towards the waiting area.

“After we left the office, Dinesh was driving first but suggested we get drinks.” Their faces dropped, “I didn’t drink anything so I drove us...was trying...to drive us back.” He heavily swallowed and shifted his weight, “That intersection of Whitford and Plum, you know. Even though there was no one there I still waited at the red light. I... I heard stories of accidents there. I slowly started again when the light turned but this huge SUV came out of nowhere and t-boned us on my side then we crashed into this metal guardrail and rolled to the other side of the road”

Jared and Monica’s jaws dropped, she let out a small, “Oh god.” Jared raised his hand over his mouth in an attempt to cover his shock.

Richard’s face went white and his eyes fixated on the dirty linoleum floors as he finished his story, “It was bad guys. There was so much blood. Dinesh was unconscious for a long time. He was freaking out because his legs were pinned in. His screams when he got conscious.” Richard fought off a shiver. Jared ever so carefully put his arm around Richard to comfort him. 

“What happened to Gilfoyle?” Monica gently prodded.

Richard noticeably got more upset. His heart started racing and he fought to keep his breath. “I should have fought him. I should have done more. I-I should have put my foot down.”

Jared and Monica looked at each other in confusion. They didn’t get it. “What do you mean?”

“I should have fought with him to wear his seatbelt.” 

Monica shut her eyes with a small, “Oh no.”

“He flew out the windshield. The other driver, some young kid, found him down the street.”

Monica’s stomach fell then twisted into knots. Her voice cracked, “ _No._ ” 

Richard started shaking again, recalling seeing his friend laying on the ground as he was, “It looked bad, guys. It looked really bad. The EMTs rushed him out of there as soon as they got there.”

“Did he say anything? Was he conscious?”

Richard shook his head, “No, he wasn’t.”

After a few moments as Monica tried to get her thoughts together, she suggested, “Jared, how about you take Richard back so he can rest. I’ll call when there’s an update.”

“No. I want to be here.” Richard was adamant. 

“You should be resting.” 

“I want to be here for my friends.”

They conceded the point but Jared made a condition, “As soon as we get updates on Dinesh and Gilfoyle, I’m taking you home.”

“Fine.”

* * *

Later a doctor came out of the patient area and into the waiting room, “Jared Dunn?” They stood up.

“Yes.”

“We have an update on your friends.”

Their stomachs dropped in fear and anticipation. 

“I’ll start with Dinesh. Due to being pinned, there was a lack of blood flow below his knees. We were able to get blood circulation back to his legs in time with little to no damage. Although he did break his left femur, which should heal within a couple of weeks with rest then physical therapy. He has several broken ribs and a broken collarbone, along with a minor concussion. We’re going to keep him for a day or so to make sure the laceration on his leg due to the pinning does not get infected and that he doesn’t develop any blood clots. All in all, he should make a full recovery.” 

They breathed a sigh of relief that Dinesh was going to be okay.

Although the relief was short-lived. 

“What about Gilfoyle?”

The older doctor stopped and took a breath. They knew it wasn’t good. “He’s currently in surgery. He suffered a lot of injuries. He hit his head pretty hard when he hit the pavement. There is some brain swelling and bleeding.”

Monica’s face fell. She felt like she was going to scream but also that if she tried nothing would come out. 

“He also hit his back pretty hard as well. Once he is out of surgery and stable we’re going to run some tests to access any damage.”

Monica’s stomach doubled over several times, then she got angry, “So wait. You don’t even know if there’s damage to his spine?”

Everyone could tell the doctor was getting irritated and was trying to keep his cool but was not successful, “I’m going, to be honest with you. He wasn’t stable when he came in. We had to rush him into surgery to fix the swelling and bleeding in his brain so he’d live long enough for us to diagnose any possible spine damage. His spine is irrelevant if he’s brain dead. The brain takes priority over the spine.”

As much as Monica valued honestly, that was a little _too honest_ for her at the moment. She needed a moment. She stormed outside to smoke a cigarette.

Jared slightly changed the topic, “Do you know anything else about the crash? Like what caused it? How’s the other driver?”

“He’s fine. His car took the damage. Apparently, he’s a coder for a startup and was working for the past three days straight. He never thought that sleep deprivation could affect his driving. So he drove himself home. Not only was he in a rush to get home to get to sleep, but he fell asleep at the wheel. Thus causing the crash.”

They had been through massive code sprints before. They knew how completely beat you were after. Yet, they all had driven while sleep deprived at some point. Richard knew what could happen when you’re sleep-deprived. After his last big code sprint, he fell through the pane glass window in his office. 

Richard asked, “Is Gilfoyle still in surgery?”

“Yes.”

“Can you give us an update?”

“As soon as I can.”

The doctor started to walk away when Richard got his attention again, “Also, we’d like to see Dinesh.”

“Of course.”

* * *

They texted Monica the room number as they were led by a nurse to Dinesh’s room. When they walked in the early morning sun shone through the window. Dinesh was asleep but didn’t look too terrible for being in a car crash. His leg was wrapped and elevated on a pillow. He had a couple bandaged wounds and bruises, including the one on his leg. He was on a heart monitor that beeped in the background along with some iv pain medication and fluids. Jared and Richard sat down, they wanted to be there when he woke up. 

Monica came in once she finished her cigarette. She saw Richard laying on his side across the small couch asleep with his head on Jared’s lap. She softly smiled and sat in the chair next to them.

Later after he woke up they updated Dinesh. He sat in shock for a solid while before the doctor interrupted them and brought Dinesh back into reality. “I’m Doctor Fields. One of Gilfoyle’s surgeons.” The group waited with bated breath, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. It was a tough surgery. It was touch and go for a while.” Monica and Dinesh started to prepare for the worst, “But he’s very strong and very stubborn.” For just a moment Monica’s lips curled up into a small smile. “He has made it through surgery and is currently in the Intensive Care Unit. In order to give his brain time to heal we’ve put him in a medically induced coma. We will closely monitor him for any brain damage once he wakes up.”

“What about his spine?.” Dinesh needed to know

“We were able to take some scans post-surgery.” Monica and Dinesh took preparative deep breathes, “They showed several dislocated and partially damaged vertebrae in his mid-back.”

Everyone’s stomachs did backflips. Monica and Dinesh felt like everything was crumbling around them. They couldn’t breathe. They couldn’t speak. “Ca-can-can you fix it? Y-you-you can fix it, r-right?” Dinesh stuttered

The older doctor took a breath, “I’m sorry. There’s too much damage. If he survives the brain injury. There’s a chance he’ll never walk again.”

For the first time in years, Monica fought off tears. 

Dinesh asked, “Can we see him? Please.” 

A nurse got Dinesh a wheelchair for his broken leg and to hang his iv’s on and the group followed her to the ICU. In the early morning the unit was quiet, just a few nurses and doctors at a round desk in the middle of a room that had small patient rooms all around them within view of the nurses’ station. 

They were led into a room where their friend was fighting for his life. It was small and the lights were off, casting darkness into the room. In the hospital bed, Gilfoyle looked small and frail. Vulnerable. He had a heart monitor, multiple IVs, an intubation tube down his throat to help him breathe, and a feeding tube. He was covered in cuts, bruises, and bandages. His head was covered in bandages which made him almost unrecognizable. 

They looked at their friend in terrified shock. It was completely harrowing to see their friend who almost seemed invincible to look so frail and vulnerable. Dinesh felt like he was going to collapse. It was a stab in his heart. He couldn't move. He was completely frozen.

Gilfoyle and Monica’s relationship was only in its infancy. They had only been together for a few months. It killed Monica that their relationship was in jeopardy so soon. She pulled the nearby chair up to the bed and sat down. She gently took his hand with hers.


	3. Tell Me I'm Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Jared go home. Monica and Dinesh worry about Gilfoyle's condition after the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title inspired by Believe; Mumford and Sons

They sat with Gilfoyle till the early afternoon when Jared insisted that Dinesh and Richard get some rest. Dinesh went back to his room while Jared took Richard back to the house. 

They slowly made their way into the empty house. Jared meant to guide Richard to his room but Richard slowly walked over towards the nearby couch and plopped down with a grunt. 

“Don’t you want your bed?” Jared pointed down the hall

“It’s a loft bed.” Richard reminded him, “I  _ really _ don’t feel like climbing all the way up there with one good arm while I’m still so sore.”

Jared grimaced and nodded. He understood. He walked over towards the chair across the room and grabbed a few soft fleece blankets and covered Richard with them, then made sure the worn-out throw pillows behind his head were fluffed.

“Want some pillows from your bed? Your arm should be elevated.” 

“I’m fine.” Richard insisted.

“You know what. I’ll grab them anyway.” As he walked down the hall Richard gave a small smile. Jared came back with a small army of mismatched pillows. Richard knew he must have raided other bedrooms to get so many. A few big pillows went behind his head and to support his back, a few smaller ones went to elevate his broken arm. 

“Get some rest. You need it. We can go back to the hospital once you’ve rested and eaten something.” 

Richard didn’t need to be told twice. He was beat. When he woke a few hours later the mouth-watering aroma of Jared’s homemade chicken noodle soup filled the air.

* * *

Monica was sitting at Gilfoyle’s bedside. She had barely left since she heard the news. She looked up when she heard the sliding glass door open to see Dinesh come in. He was using forearm crutches and had on a t-shirt and sweats instead of a hospital gown with his leg cast. 

“They discharged you?”

“No, I left AMA. I’m fine, I just need rest and pain meds. If anything changes, I’m already in a hospital.” He sat down opposite of her, “Any change?” 

“No.”

“Guess that’s better than getting worse. No news is good news, you know.”

She pursed her lips and sighed, “I guess.”

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Just listening to the consistent beeps of the heart monitor and pumping of the ventilator.

“It’s weird, you know.” Monica looked up at Dinesh, “Too see him so quiet. It’s odd but I would love to hear him insult me. Just once.” Monica gave a quick smile before looking back down at Gilfoyle. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking.” Monica turned her attention back to him, “He’s going to wake up, give us shit for giving a damn, give the hospital staff shit. Insult me, make some insult about Richard being a terrible driver and the universe will return to normal.”

Monica  _ wanted _ to believe that was how everything was going to turn out. She wanted it more than anything. “You really think that?”

Dinesh raised his eyebrows, “That’s what I’ve been telling myself.”

In a rare moment of emotion, Monica admitted, “I’m afraid we’re going to lose him.”

“I know. Me too. It’s all I’ve thought about.”

“We  _ can’t  _ lose him.” Her voice broke for the smallest second. Dinesh reached his hand over to reach hers.

“I know...What if he never wakes up? What if he does, but he’s not  _ him _ ? You know? Like, what if he has brain damage? What if he’s paralyzed?” Dinesh’s voice trembled.

“Then we’ll deal with it.” Monica tried to make him feel better, “I mean this in all sincerity. Gilfoyle is the most stubborn asshole we’ve ever met. He isn’t going to go down without a damn good fight.”

His lips curved into a small smile.

“I think he knows he can’t die on me,” Monica added.

“Why?”

“Because I’d kill him.” They let out a slight chuckle. 

They heard a knock on the sliding glass door. Dinesh and Monica looked up to see Darren, the young driver who hit them, sheepishly look into the room. He shakily slid open the door and walked it before sliding it closed.

Monica beat Dinesh to asking, “What the fuck do you want?”

He inched towards the door, immediately regretting his decision, “I just...I wanted to see...how everyone’s doing. I know about you guys’ tech. It’s pretty cool.”

“We’re doing just fucking dandy. Thanks for asking.” Dinesh gave a look of a murderous bitch face that Monica reciprocated. “He might have brain damage. He damaged his spine. He may never walk again.”

Darren’s stomach dropped and his throat tightened. “I-I-I-I I’m so-so-so so-rry. I-I’m s-s-o sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Well, that doesn’t do shit for us.” Monica snapped, “You can get the fuck out and never come back.”

Dinesh pursed his lips in thought before adding to her comments, “I know that Gilfoyle would want nothing to do with you or your bullshit apologizes. In fact, he’d have a few choice words for you. You can go fuck yourself.”

Darren took a deep breath in acceptance that this was doing more harm than good, “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I hope he pulls through.”

“Yeah, you better fucking hope so.” Monica threatened as Darren couldn't get out of there fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited cause Gilfoyle wakes up next chapter so some real good shit is coming! 
> 
> I would love to hear what you think in the comments below!


	4. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared comforts Richard as he continues to blame himself for the accident and the events that followed. Gilfoyle wakes up from the medically induced coma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by: Believe; Mumford and Sons

Jared brought some tea and Advil to where Richard was lying on the couch. The doctors offered him prescription pain meds at the hospital but Richard refused. He didn’t like how heavy pain meds made him feel. 

“Here you go.” He put the little cup of pills and mug of tea on the coffee table next to the couch where Richard had been camped out the last few days. He was still sore and didn’t want to climb a loft bed with one good arm. Richard turned his attention from his phone, “I just got a text from Dinesh. The doctors are going to wake up Gilfoyle today. I want to go later.”

Jared nodded, “Of course. Do you want to be there when he wakes up?”

Richard looked down and fiddled with the teabag in the mug. “No, no...I’m afraid...I’m afraid he’s going to be mad at me. You know, for the accident.”

Jared tightened his face in sympathy and moved a few pillows to sit next to Richard. “It’s not your fault, Richard. You did everything right.”

Richard shook his head, “I should have...fought with him more. I should have insisted that he put on his seatbelt. I was the driver.”

Jared carefully and delicately placed his arm around Richard, “You know that you can’t make Gilfoyle do anything he doesn’t want to do. He’s _i_ _mmensely_ prideful and stubborn.”

Richard fiddled with the tea bag before taking a sip with the couple Advil. “What if he dies? What if he’s permanently disabled, Jared? What if he blames me for the accident? What if he never forgives me?”

Jared sighed and gently rubbed Richard’s back. He felt the need to prepare Richard for one of the worst case scenarios, “He could look for someone to blame. You, as well as the other driver, might have to be his scapegoats.” He consoled, “You just have to remember that you did everything right. You were careful at the intersection. The other driver is the one who fell asleep at the wheel. As I said, Gilfoyle is very strong-willed. You weren’t going to win that fight.” He took a deep breath, “It’s not your fault.”

Richard put the mug on the coffee table, “Then why does it feel like that?”

* * *

Dinesh and Monica sat by Gilfoyle’s bedside. They had barely left since he was admitted to the ICU weeks earlier. As Doctor Winters adjusted the iv Monica asked, “When should he wake up?”

He turned towards her with a sympathetic look. “Even though the swelling has decreased, brain injuries are different with everyone. It could be a few hours, or it could be a few months.” Monica and Dinesh shared a terrified look. Their stomachs sank. Dr. Winters removed the intubation tube causing a slight cough. For just a moment their hearts jumped, thinking that perhaps he was waking up. It was just an instinctive side effect of taking him off the ventilator. Luckily he was able to breathe on his own but was still unconscious. 

Monica and Dinesh continued waiting. Richard and Jared came by later that afternoon. There was no change in his condition.

Several days later Monica and Dinesh were still waiting for Gilfoyle to wake up. They feared he’d never wake up. Gilfoyle’s condition still hadn’t changed. The doctors kept telling them that he’d wake up when his body was ready. 

Finally, two months later. There was finally a change.

His head pounded like an elephant trampled over it as he slowly clawed into consciousness. His mouth and throat felt dry and cottony. His mind was blank and foggy. Chest and rib pain made each breath excruciating. Every cell in his body was in pure agony.

Well...most of them. 

From above his mid-stomach down, he didn’t hurt.

He didn’t feel anything. 

Opening his eyes felt like a Herculean task. He heard various beeps around him. He felt something rough and scratchy under his hands. He slightly opened his eyes with a groan. A light above him shined into his eyes so he closed them again. He heard voices but he couldn’t distinguish who they were. He started to feel more conscious. He became able to distinguish what they were saying. 

“Holy shit. He’s waking up!” He recognized that voice to be Dinesh.

“Shit! Really?” He recognized the voice as Monica. 

He finally opened his eyes, his vision was blurry due to being unconscious so long and not having his glasses. After a few seconds, things became less blurry. He noticed Dinesh and Monica sitting on either side of him and that he was in a hospital. 

‘ _Monica? What’s she doing here?’_

Monica stood up, “I’m going to get the doctor.”

As Monica left Dinesh commented, “You gave us quite the scare.” Gilfoyle tried to think of an insult about Dinesh caring about him to sit by his side and ask why Monica was there. But his mind was too foggy. He groaned again before trying to speak, “It’s true...only the good die young.” He took a haggard breath with a few deep coughs, his voice was low and hoarse from disuse, “Went downstairs. They took one look and said...he has more time to serve. Send him back.”

Dinesh smiled and was relieved that Gilfoyle was able to make a sarcastic remark.

Gilfoyle was about to ask about Monica when an older man in a lab coat and scrubs come in.

“I’m Doctor Winters. You were in an accident. You’re in the hospital. What’s the last thing you remember?” 

Gilfoyle had to think about it. He knew he was thinking about it too hard. He finally remembered. His voice was still weak and dry, “We decided to do an ICO. It didn’t go well.”

He knew he said something wrong when he saw Monica and Dinesh trying and failing to hide their distraught faces. A pit of dread filled his stomach. Doctor Winters looked at them, about to ask them. 

Dinesh stumbled, “Gilfoyle…” He gulped, “That was over a year ago.”

He stopped, his jaw slightly open. Dread overwhelmed him.

‘ _Why don’t I remember?’_

He tried to think of a cover or a sarcastic remark. The doctor told him, “You hit your head really hard in the accident. We’re going to do some more tests. Do you remember whose car you were in? Who was driving?” 

His breathing and heart rate subtly sped up in fear. Because he didn’t remember. He looked up at the ceiling and struggled to remember anything past the ICO, but he couldn’t. 

Meanwhile, Doctor Winters removed the hospital blanket from his feet and ran his pen up and down his foot, testing Gilfoyle’s reflexes and response. He poked him with the blunt end of the pen cap. Gilfoyle didn’t even look at Dr. Winters. He didn’t know what the doctor was doing. “Do you feel this?” Gilfoyle turned his attention to Dr. Winters. He ran the pen cap up and down his foot. 

“Yes.” 

Due to his previous test, Dr. Winters thought he was lying. So Dr. Winters asked another question, “Move your toes.”

Gilfoyle tried. He struggled to do it but it just wouldn’t move. He didn’t feel anything in his legs. His breathing increased and the heart monitor beeped faster. “Move your fingers.” He did so without a problem. Doctor Winters nodded and took the x-rays from the chart in front of the bed and turned on the x-ray view box near the bed. “In the accident, your T-6 through T-9 vertebrae were dislocated and damaged.”

Gilfoyle fought to hide the fear and panic in his voice, “You can fix it, right?”

The doctor’s face softened, “I’m sorry. I don’t know. This is such a risky area to work on. We can help you adjust and give any pain management with your other injuries.”

Gilfoyle tried to wrap his head around what he was being told. Dinesh and Monica saw the anger boiling within him, ready to explode. His jaw and hands were clenched and his eyebrows curled in. “Are you telling me that...I’ll never walk again.” His voice had a sharp edge that warned the doctor to tread carefully. 

“It’s not definite, but…”

“But what!” Venom dripped from Gilfoyle's tone.

“There's just so much damage.” He pointed to the places on the x-ray of his spine.

“Get out.” When the doctor just stood there Gilfoyle got louder, “Get out!” Doctor Winters nodded and left to give him some time. Gilfoyle gave Dinesh and Monica a death glare, “You too.” They didn’t move. “OUT!” They hesitantly got up and walked out. 

Once Gilfoyle was alone he took a few angry deep breaths before hurling a nearby water pitcher at the wall with a loud and angry yell causing water to spill all over the floor and the plastic pitcher to snap in several pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	5. Nowhere to Go, Nowhere to Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared doesn't know how to go forward with the company after the crash. He tried to get Richard on board to hire new people, at least temporarily. 
> 
> The extent of Gilfoyle's brain damage is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by; Believe, Dust Bowl Dance, Mumford and Sons.

Later the doctors ran more tests to access the brain and spine damage. Monica and Dinesh were told to get some rest.

When Monica and Dinesh came back to the hostel, Richard and Jared were working from home as they had done almost exclusively since the crash. Everyone kept bothering them with questions wondering why the others hadn’t come back yet. Richard and Jared kept everything about the crash to themselves. Because they knew that’s how Gilfoyle would want it. 

“So how is he?” Richard jumped up from his chair as soon as the two walked in. Dinesh and Monica shared a look of ‘ _oh god how do we tell him?’_ They knew how guilty he was going to feel because he was the driver.

“He woke up today.” Richard could tell from Dinesh’s tone that it wasn’t a good thing.

“What? How is he?”

“You may want to sit down.” Monica sighed.

Richard and Jared’s stomachs dropped. A pit of dread pooled in Richard’s stomach.

They sat back down. Anxiously waiting for the news. 

Monica put it simply, “He’s paralyzed from the waist down and he can’t remember the last year.”

Richard’s stomach dropped. He felt like he was about to vomit. He sprinted over to the bathroom, just in case. The other three followed him. Richard just kept muttering between dry heaves, “It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.” Jared gently put his arm around Richard to comfort him.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” Jared kept repeating. 

Richard pulled himself away from kneeling over the toilet, “Yes it is, Jared! I was the fucking driver! I should have put my fucking foot down and demanded he wear a fucking seatbelt!”

Dinesh and Monica didn’t know what to do so they let Jared handle Richard’s meltdown. Richard honestly didn’t think he could face his friend ever again after what happened.

* * *

The next day Monica and Dinesh came back to the hospital and went straight to Gilfoyle’s room. They didn’t see the doctor, even though he had important test results that he hoped to discuss with them before visiting their friend. 

Gilfoyle was still asleep so they waited for him to wake up. When he woke he saw Dinesh at his side.

“How you feeling today?” Dinesh asked.

“Like I was run over by a bus. What the fuck happened? Where am I?”

Dinesh’s brows curled in confusion. “We were in a car accident. Remember? You were hurt real bad.”

Monica came in from smoking a cigarette outside, “Oh good, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

Gilfoyle furrowed his brow in slight confusion, “Just fucking dandy. What the fuck are you doing here?” 

Monica and Dinesh shared a look of sheer panic and fear. Gilfoyle quickly picked up on it.

“What?”

“I-I-I need to talk to the doctor.” Monica rushed out of the room. 

Dinesh looked like a deer in headlights, his heart beating a mile a second. His blood whooshed hot throughout him. He seriously thought if he stood up he’d pass out. 

Gilfoyle seemed _completely_ unaware that the previous day ever happened.

Dinesh visibly tried to figure out what to say next. Contorting his mouth trying to form words but coming up empty.

A pit of dread settled in Gilfoyle’s stomach. He knew there was something _very_ wrong.

“What?”

“Let’s just wait for the doctor.” Dinesh tried.

Gilfoyle eyed him suspiciously, “No, there’s something wrong. Tell me.”

After a few moments Dinesh finally spit it out, “We were here yesterday and got a huge update from the doctor. We updated you on everything that happened.”

Gilfoyle stared blankly at him. He didn’t remember. He didn’t remember anything. 

“You were hazy yesterday, so maybe you just need a few days then you’ll be back to normal.” Dinesh tried to remain calm but Gilfoyle saw straight through it. 

“Bullshit, there’s something wrong.”

Dinesh put his head in his hands then looked back up at Gilfoyle, “Yesterday you woke up from a medically induced coma after about two months...you didn’t remember anything in the past year. The doctor said you have severe damage to your spine.” Gilfoyle’s face dropped.

Gilfoyle was in complete and utter shock.

Before he could say anything the doctor came into the room. “Hello, Mr. Gilfoyle. Do you remember that you were in a very bad car accident?”

“He just told me.” He looked at Dinesh, “What the fuck’s up with my spine?”

The doctor took a breath. Knowing that Dinesh told him. “Along with mild brain damage, your T6-T9 vertebrae were badly damaged. I’m so sorry.”

A million thoughts raced through Gilfoyle’s head. He didn’t know what to do or say. So he lashed out, “WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?? YOU CAN’T FUCKING FIX IT? ANY OF IT?”

“The brain damage is mild so you were quite lucky there-”

“FUCKING WHAT NOW? FUCKING LUCKY? I APPARENTLY CAN’T REMEMBER YESTERDAY AND I CAN’T FUCKING WALK!”

“The brain damage could have been much worse. It could have affected more of your cognitive or motor function.” The doctor defended.

“You can go fuck yourself.”

The doctor knew to give him some time and left. Gilfoyle had the harrowing thought, 

‘ _Apparently you were told all this yesterday. What if this is your every day?’_

Dinesh and Monica hoped they weren’t kicked out again. Neither knew what to say.

The three sat in a heavy awkward silence. No one knew what to say. Gilfoyle stared straight ahead. 

They knew anything they said to Gilfoyle would sound hollow and he would think it was complete bullshit. So they stayed silent. 

Gilfoyle said just above a whisper, “Get out.”

They looked over at him. Dinesh sighed, “Gilfoyle-”

“I said get out.”

“Don’t do this.” Dinesh shook his head.

“Last time, get. The fuck. Out.” Gilfoyle’s low calm tone was so much more unnerving than him yelling.

Dinesh got up with a sigh and opened the sliding door about to leave. Monica stood but stayed put. Gilfoyle was about to tell her to get out when Monica said, “You fucking piece of shit. I _knew_ you were going to do this.”

Dinesh closed the door in curiosity and sat back down. Gilfoyle curled his brow in confusion. 

Monica wasn’t going to take Gilfoyle’s bullshit for one second. She may have overreacted. But unlike Gilfoyle, she and Dinesh had been dealing with this for two months already.

“I knew you were going to immediately push away anyone who has _ever_ given a damn about you until you’re all alone!” Gilfoyle looked at her with a blank shocked stare. “I’m putting a stop to it before it even starts! You don’t remember but I love your dumbass!”

She took a breath, “We both care about you, you absolute asshole! We’ve barely left the hospital since the accident!” 

Gilfoyle opened his mouth to speak but Monica wasn’t done yet, “You know why we did that?! Because we care about you! You complete piece of shit!” 

Gilfoyle tried to speak again but it was one of the few times in his life he was truly speechless. She was right, pushing everyone away was his natural state, especially now.

“So...I can’t get you two to leave me the fuck alone?”

“No.” Monica responded. “You’re not getting rid of us. Yes, you're the most stubborn asshole we’ve ever met. But we’re just as stubborn. We're not going to let you push us away.”

Gilfoyle sighed. As much as his natural defense mechanism was to push people away, the ones who cared about him most won’t go away.

* * *

Richard was still working from home as Jared was fighting with the other driver, Darren’s insurance company on the phone. The company did not want to take fault for the accident. Jared was also having difficulty getting their own insurance company to pay out as the medical bills were rising every day with no sign of stopping. A while back Dinesh filed a lawsuit against Darren for the crash and the injuries that followed. 

Jared sighed as he hung up and sat down next to Richard who was hard at work. He was currently doing Dinesh and Gilfoyle’s workloads as well as his own. Jared was doing Monica’s job so Dinesh and Monica could be with Gilfoyle. 

Both Jared and Richard knew this was not sustainable in the long run. Maybe when they were smaller, but now, no way. 

Jared knew he _had_ to say something. “Hey, Richard.”

“What?” Richard didn’t take his eyes off his computer. 

“We need to talk about hiring new people.”

“For what?” Richard was still in denial. 

“You know we can’t keep doing their jobs forever.”

“They’re coming back. They all are. They just need a little more time.” 

Jared sighed as he knew how Richard was still in deep denial, even after two months.

Jared moved Richard’s keyboard from under him and gently put his arm around him. His voice was soft and warm, “You can’t keep working like this, darling. Deep down you know Gilfoyle is not coming back for a while...if ever.” Jared left out the reasoning, mild brain damage.

Richard pushed Jared’s arm away and got up to pace the room. 

“Richard, we need to hire temporary employees for Dinesh and Monica, and get enough permanent coders to make one Gilfoyle.” Gilfoyle did enough work for several coders and was brilliant at it. One of the best in the Valley. Replacing him would not be easy.

“NO!” Richard snapped back, “No!... I already disabled him for life! I'm NOT replacing him!! And that’s FINAL!”

Jared sat with a devastated look on his face. He had been trying to convince Richard it was not his fault since the crash. 

Richard sat back and continued working without another word. Jared knew he would have to try again later...yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would love to know what you all think in the comments below!!


	6. Family Never Gives Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilfoyle just wants to crawl in a hole and dissolve into nothing, pretend this never happened...but Monica and Dinesh won't let that happen.

Monica and Dinesh were asleep in the chairs next to the hospital bed. Gilfoyle sat wide awake. His mind was going a thousand miles an hour. He hadn’t slept since yesterday when he woke up and didn’t remember anything. 

He was legitimately afraid that if he went to sleep, he’d lose his memory. 

When doctors and nurses would ask if he’s slept, he’d lie. It’s not like it was easy to sleep in a hospital anyway with all the noises of a vibrant hospital.

‘ _ You can’t trust your own mind. If you don’t have your mind, then what do you have?’ _

‘ _ Nothing.’ _

‘ _ What can you give to others of actual value? Now that you don’t have your mind?’ _

_ ‘Nothing.’ _

_ ‘Then what the hell are you doing here? You’re useless now! Completely and utterly useless!’ _

He was taken from his thoughts when he heard Dinesh wake up. “Hey, did you get some rest?”

“Yeah.”

“How you feeling?”

Gilfoyle knew what he was asking. ‘ _ Do you know why you’re here?’ _

“Just fucking wonderful,” Gilfoyle responded. 

“So you know why we’re here?” Dinesh treaded carefully but needed to know.

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s progress.”

A boldfaced lie is what that was.

Dinesh could tell Gilfoyle was deep in thought. 

“What’s up? What are you thinking?”

Gilfoyle, not willing to be more vulnerable than he already was, “About how you’re an overbearing asshole.” He quipped.

“Okay, but seriously.” It was clear to Gilfoyle that Dinesh wanted a real answer.

“Yeah, seriously.” Gilfoyle wasn’t ready to talk just yet.

“If you ever want to talk, we’re here.”

Gilfoyle quipped, “Yeah, I can’t seem to get rid of you.”

Dinesh knew to try again later.

Monica and Dinesh were walking back with lunch. “I almost got Gilfoyle to talk earlier.”

“Oh.”

“He wasn’t ready yet.” Dinesh sighed. 

“Well, we need to figure out a plan going forward.” They stood at an intersection waiting to cross the street. Monica pressed the walk signal button.

Dinesh rubbed his temples, “I know. I know.”

“I’m glad you all were procrastinating on getting your own places because he shouldn’t be on his own, at least for now. And a single floor house is probably best for him now.”

The walk signal changed and they crossed the road. “Don’t you live on the first floor of your building?”

Monica stopped and sighed causing Dinesh to stop, “Yeah but it’s a two story condo. Little insulting that he can’t access half of it.”

“It’s a two bedroom right?”

“Yeah.” She scrunched her face, “You really don’t want to live with him do you?”

“I know Richard doesn’t want to live with him.”

They were silent. They knew how much Richard blamed himself for this. Even though it wasn’t his fault but the fault of the other driver.

They walked back to the hospital in silence.

* * *

When they got back to the hospital they saw a nurse walk out of Gilfoyle’s room with an annoyed huff. 

“Well, perhaps he is getting better.” Dinesh joked.

Monica got the nurse’s attention, “What happened?”

“He wants to be discharged.”

Their eyes widened in shock, “What?”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“We’ve been trying to talk him out of it all morning.”

“I’ll talk to him.” Monica stormed into the room. 

“Oh, this is going to be good!” Dinesh ran in behind her.

“What the fuck, Gilfoyle?” Monica raised her voice. “You want to be discharged?”

“I’m already sick and tired of all this. I just want to leave.” 

_ Pretend this never happened,  _ is what he left out. Even though he couldn’t just ignore it.

“So are we! We’re sick and tired of coming to the hospital every day, but we do it cause we care about you!” Monica was seething. 

“You can’t do this, Gilfoyle,” Dinesh spoke up.

“And why is that?”

“Because it’s not safe yet.” Dinesh answered.

Monica took a different approach. 

A cold hard reality check.

“So what’s your plan going forward, hmm?” Gilfoyle looked up at her. “You're going to continue staying with the guys, right?”

“I have another place.”

Monica raised her eyebrows, “Oh really? Sure. We’ll go with that.”

Gilfoyle held firm, “Yeah. I saw in my phone that I was emailing a guy about an apartment. I reached out. He said I could still have the place.”

“Well are you able to access it? Are their steps up to the building door? Does it have an elevator?”

Gilfoyle was silent. He looked down and fidgeted with the thin hospital blanket to distract himself.

“How are you going to get in an Uber? How are you going to get out of bed? Do you have the upper body strength? Can you get out of bed without falling flat on your face?”

Gilfoyle was silent.

Monica continued, “What if, or more likely when, you wake up alone in a place you don’t recognize, what are you going to do then? You have no memory of getting there.”

Gilfoyle finally responded, “I’m not a fucking invalid! I can get out of the fucking bed!”

Monica stormed out of the room and came back a few seconds later with a wheelchair. Placing it directly next to the bed. Gilfoyle’s stomach dropped when he saw it.

‘ _ That’s your life now, you motherfucker. Perhaps you deserve it for being a complete and utter dick your entire life. Now you’re truly a nuisance. Completely useless.’  _

“Show me.” Monica demanded.

Fear burned with Gilfoyle. He had never tried getting up before. He just wanted to get out of the hospital, into privacy, and just dissolve into nothing.

After a few moments Monica huffed, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

She got close to him, “Here’s how it’s going to go. You’re going to stay here until the doctors say you can leave. Then, as the doctors want, you’ll go to rehab. Which you will hate and you will drive everyone there crazy. Then you’ll come live with me or Dinesh and the guys and get back to work. You got that?”

Gilfoyle was silent. As much as he wanted to just crawl into a hole and die, people cared about him too much to let him do that.

“You just won’t give up.”

“No, we won’t. Because we care about your dumbass.” Dinesh spoke up. 

“Why?” It came out without Gilfoyle even thinking. He just blurted it out and immediately regretted it. Because he knew that would naturally lead to a very real emotional conversation. 

The two were just as shocked but his outburst. 

Gilfoyle quickly tried to change the topic but Dinesh and Monica weren’t going to let that go. He couldn’t unring that bell. 

“What do you mean by that?” Dinesh asked but it was clearly a demand.

Gilfoyle was silent, staring at the white wall in front of him. 

There was a long silence that hung in the air before Gilfoyle finally answered, his voice so low it was almost a whisper, “I don’t have my mind, then what do I have?”

“What do you mean?” Dinesh asked.

“Why do you insist on staying? Why are you here? No one asked you to stay.”

“We were devastated when the crash happened. We sat here with bated breath hoping you’d survive.” Monica said.

Dinesh put it clearly, “Yes, you’re a completely insufferable asshole...but you’re our asshole. We aren’t letting you give up or die on us. Even when we thought you would.”

“I wish I was dead!” Gilfoyle yelled, “Better than being in a broken useless body with a broken useless mind that can’t remember jack shit!”

They were silent. No one knew what to say. They weren’t the type to say empty platitudes like, ‘it’ll get better.’ or ‘you’ll be okay.’ That was more Richard and Jared’s area.

They knew where they stood. All they knew was they had to keep Gilfoyle from truly going over the deep end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think??????
> 
> I would love to know in the comments!!!


End file.
